


christmas eve will find me (where the love light gleams)

by loonyBibliophile



Series: maybe i won't die alone [6]
Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Autistic Cassandra Cillian, Christmas fic, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 06:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13118316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonyBibliophile/pseuds/loonyBibliophile
Summary: Cassandra adored Christmas. Even as a child, and even as a slightly older child with parents who thought she was maybe a bit too old for “all that nonsense”, she still adored the holiday.





	christmas eve will find me (where the love light gleams)

Cassandra adored Christmas. Even as a child, and even as a slightly older child with parents who thought she was maybe a bit too old for “all that nonsense”, she still adored the holiday. Even when she knew Santa Claus wasn’t real. But then something wonderful and magical happened, and she became a librarian and found out Santa Claus was, in fact, real. Santa was real, and he was quite nice, and a good friend of Jenkins’, and wasn’t everything just really and truly wonderful? So every year since joining the library, Cassandra had gotten even more invested in the Christmas cheer. From the stroke of midnight on November first until the moment Thanksgiving dinner was over, she politely listened to Christmas music only over headphones and kept the decorations confined to her room. But the moment Thanksgiving was over, decorating hit the library full force. 

She stood, bouncing on her toes, her hair almost reaching her shoulders and beginning to curl again, as she looked at the beautiful, full pine tree in the annex’s sitting room. There was a row of tiny silver bells hung on the hem of her red velvet skirt, and they jingled and bounced with the rhythm of her legs. She liked the sound, and how festive they looked. From time to sime she stop and swing her hips, watching the skirt swish above her knees, bells and velvet shining in the strands of light all over the sitting room. Christmas lights were one of the best parts of the entire season. Soft and colorful and glowing, much better, in her opinion, than the harsh glow of overhead lighting. 

Footsteps echoed slightly in the high-ceilinged room, and there was a thump as someone set something on the table behind her. 

“I found the boxes.” Ezekiel said, tapping the top of the plastic tub of ornaments with one hand. “I’ll bring the rest in. I just brought in the lights and garlands for you first.” 

Cassandra turned to him, grinning, and pried the plastic box open. 

“Thanks, Zekiel. Though I’m not sure how you expect me to wrap lights or garlands around the top of a tree a good two feet taller than me.” she giggled, and her eyes and nose crinkled up. Ezekiel paused. 

“Huh. That’s a good point, actually. I’ll bring a stool. Or Jenkins? Jenkins is tall.”

“A stool or ladder should be fine.” Cassandra said, careful to keep her voice even. She loved Jenkins, of course, and would welcome his company almost any other time, but right now she was enjoying it just being her and Ezekiel. There was something lovely and new and intimate about decorating, just the two of them, in a dim, warm room. Even though he’d helped her previous years at well it felt… different now. Different because they were so close, different because Ezekiel was so attentive… different because this year there wasn’t a ticking time bomb in her skull. 

“Step ladder. And now I will go get the rest of the boxes.” Ezekiel smiled easily, setting the short ladder by Cassandra’s feet, and reaching out to tug one of her short curls playfully on his way out.

“Hey, do you wanna help me with cookies after we do the tree?” Cassandra called as Ezekiel entered the room once more, laying two boxes on the table. 

“Does helping mean I get first pick?”

“But of course. And it means you get to decorate some of them. No curse words or anything like that though, Christmas is a family friendly holiday.” she stuck her tongue out and wagged a finger at him, and Ezekiel chuckled and put his hands up in surrender.

“Don’t worry, I learned my lesson last year. The middle finger emoji is not an appropriate design for a Christmas cookie.” he smirked at her, and Cassandra rolled her eyes, shaking her head at him. 

As luck would have it, the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve were busy with missions. But in between trips to the Swiss Alps to mediate between neighboring tribes of yeti and foiling an attempt by a team of rogue elves to torch the North Pole, Ezekiel Jones has been working on a plan. 

“Jenkins!” he called, laying his hands dramatically onto the man’s desk, grinning. “I need you to put me in touch with a friend of yours.” 

Jenkins said nothing, raising one white eyebrow. 

“I need to speak to one Saint Nicholas. Jolly Saint Nick, not patron saint of thieves Nicholas. Santa Claus. I need to talk to Santa Claus.” 

“Why?” Jenkins asked, his voice a careful blend of curious and cautious. 

“Because,” Ezekiel paused, his face growing serious and losing some of his characteristic swagger “I need some insider information so I can give a certain ginger the greatest Christmas ever.”

At that, Jenkins smiled broadly, and gestured for Ezekiel to follow him into a side room. 

On Christmas Eve, Ezekiel Jones woke up at 5 in the morning. The world outside the library was dark and coated in a soft dusting of snow, and he absolutely did not want to be awake, but he had work to do. He pulled on a pair of dark jeans, thick socks, and a dark red henley, and then braced himself as he pulled on the final touch to his outfit for the day. A red knit sweater. A Christmas sweater. He couldn’t bring himself to go full ugly sweater, even for Cass, so he’d compromised with a classic. “Merry Christmas You Filthy Animals” would have to do. Dressed and warm, he crept down the hall and then the stairs and into the kitchen. 

Cassandra woke up at 6 and was ready for the day by 7, without fail, so Ezekiel was on a deadline. He had an hour, until 6:30, to get the first steps of his plan done, and then a half an hour to set up before Cassandra would wander, freshly showered and fully dressed, into the kitchen. By the time she did, there would be a fresh tray of cinnamon rolls, two mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream and candy canes, and fried eggs and Canadian bacon on the kitchen table, along with a set of small speakers playing Christmas music from the 30’s and 40’s. 

Like clockwork, Cassandra walked into the kitchen at 7:02 am, her hair still damp, and wearing a gold velvet dress with red details and green tights. She looked around, grinning. 

“Ezekiel?” she looked over at him, grinning and bouncing onto her toes slightly. 

“Merry Christmas Eve.” Ezekiel shrugged, smiling almost shyly and looking down towards the floor. 

“You… did this for me?” she tilted her head to one side, reaching over to tuck a curl behind her ear and twist it around her finger. 

“Uh… yeah. It’s been a rough year, and I know you love Christmas, so.” he shrugged again, and pulled out a chair for her. Cassandra settled into it, and looked up at Ezekiel with a soft smile. 

“See? I told you there was good in you.” 

“Maybe you just bring out the best in people, Caz.” 

There was a moment of awkward silence after Ezekiel’s sudden and unusually honest statement, leaving Cassandra to stare intently at plate of food, rapidly twining the same strand of hair around and around and around her finger. But she was smiling. 

The rest of Christmas Eve was a carefully constructed whirlwind. 

First was ice skating. Brisk New York air, a soft fall of snow, gloved fingers brushing against each other on the ice, Cassandra wobbling, off balance, laughing as Ezekiel catches her each time she moves to fall.

Then was the ballet. Tickets to see The Nutcracker, sitting in box seats Ezekiel swore up and down he actually bought with actual money, and the look of rapt fascination on Cassandra’s face as she watched the dancers twirl and leap, her fingers habitually twitching in time to the music against Ezekiel’s arm. 

There were carolers and cups of steaming hot chocolate. 

And second to last, there was a snowman and snow angels in the woods just beyond the annex. 

Last was most important though. Last was Ezekiel’s ace in the hole. After he and Cassandra came in from the woods, shivering and damp and rosy cheeked and laughing, Cassandra stopped him, putting her freezing hands on the sides of Ezekiel’s face. 

“Zekiel. This has been the best Christmas Eve of my entire life.” she grinned at him, her eyes bright, bouncing on her toes once more. 

“Well we’re not done quite yet, so hold your judgement for after we both go get some dry, warm clothes on. Strict pajamas only dress code here, Caz. Very important.” Ezekiel grinned, tapping her chin with one finger before slinking away. First, he slipped into his room, swapping his dark jeans for flannel fleece and his damp sweater for a dry one. It wasn’t Christmas themed, but it was red, and warm, and had been a gift from Cassandra the previous year. He also pulled a dark grey cardigan from his bed. She always did run cold. Besides, the last time he’d worn it, she’d spent all afternoon rubbing her fingers on the soft cuffs, obviously loving the texture of the fabric. And he’d be lying if he said the idea of Cassandra Cillian wrapped up in his sweater didn’t make his stomach do flip flops. But that could wait. He had to get to the main room with the tree and set up before Cassandra finished changing. 

Cassandra wasn’t sure she had ever felt quite so happy. This, she knew without a doubt, was a date. The sweet breakfast, the laughing, the hand holding. Her chest felt warm just thinking about the amazing day she’d had. Before she changed her clothes, she allowed herself a moment in her room to flap her hands excitedly, bouncing onto her toes. She loved feeling like this, when the happy was so big she just had to let it out. She felt effervescent. 

Feeling slightly more centered, Cassandra swapped her damp, snowy clothes for her official holiday pajamas. Candy cane patterned fleece socks, red long johns, and a baggy, long sleeved green shirt that read “The Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day” in red text, over the classic image from The Grinch cartoon for the golden frame showing the Grinch’s heart. Cassandra strongly believed that the original animated Grinch cartoon was objectively the greatest Christmas movie ever made. 

Working on a hunch, Cassandra followed the soft strains of Sinatra singing “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” to the room with the big tree and all the comfy sofas in it. Sure enough, Ezekiel was there. But that wasn’t all. On the floor, over the sofas and facing the tree, Ezekiel had constructed what Cassandra was pretty sure had to be the world’s most elaborate pillow fort. Beside the tree, at the opening of the fort, was a laptop and a pile of DVD cases. There were also two mugs of steaming cocoa and a plate of frosted Christmas cookies. The strands of Christmas lights were the only lights on in the room. 

Cassandra slowly walked further in the room, and tears filled her eyes as she clasped her hands over her heart. She let out a sigh that sounded an awful lot like Ezekiel. 

“We’ve got about five minutes until it strikes midnight. Care to spend the first few hours of Christmas with me?” Ezekiel’s toe scuffed at the ground, and it took Cassandra a moment to place the expression on his face. He looked… shy. She nodded, her eyes still shining with tears and her fingers twitching involuntarily as she processed everything around her. 

“How did you do all this?” she said finally, sinking down into the pile of blankets on the floor of the fort. 

“I had help from a professional. Someone who could tell me everything you’ve ever wanted to do for Christmas and never gotten.” 

Ezekiel sat down next to her, their knees touching, his eyes flickering with mirth. 

“I can’t believe this. Ezekiel this is… this is amazing. I don’t know what to say.”

With a shrug and a smile, Ezekiel leaned back, pulling two things out of the back of the fort. He pressed the grey cardigan into Cassandra’s arms. 

“I don’t want you to get cold. We were just out in the snow, after all.” 

He watched carefully as she blushed and pulled the sweater on, his hands behind his back, fiddling with the second object. 

“Thank you, ‘Zekiel. For everything.”

“Don’t thank me quite yet. There’s still one thing on my list. Or, your list, I suppose.” 

While Cassandra racked her brain, trying to think of what Christmas tradition this day hadn’t checked off her lifelong wishlist, Ezekiel pulled something tied with red ribbon from out behind his back, then dangled it between them. 

“It’s not Christmas without a kiss under the mistletoe.” he said, his voice soft and low and warm as he leaned towards her, tucking his finger belong her chin to pull her closer to him and pressing his lips sweetly to hers, just as the clock struck midnight. “I love you, Cassandra Cillian. Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas, Ezekiel Jones. I love you too.” Cassandra’s eyes still looked damp, even as she pulled herself into Ezekiel’s lap and kissed him soundly, wrapping herself in the solid warmth of his arms and the reassuring thrum of his heartbeat. When she finally pulled away, Ezekiel smiled at her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and pulling her into the pile of blankets and pillows. Glancing around, she saw that he’d even snuck her weighted blanket out of her room and brought it in, covering them both with the soft and heavy fabric before pulling her close and using his foot to press the spacebar on the laptop, starting the movie he’d put in ahead of time. The Grinch. The joy in her chest bubbled over once more, and Cassandra snaked a hand out of the covers to flap excitedly at her side, shaking her wrist back and forth as she pressed her face into Ezekiel’s shoulder. He smiled at her, the lights of the tree and the laptop screen dancing softly in his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> post three christmas casekiel fics in a row? me? haha what are you talking about
> 
> this has been in the works for about a month and i'm so glad i got it posted before christmas eve!


End file.
